New? Mention Banner and Get 5.00 off when you try one of our chemical services!
(603) 473-8515 baking cooking unique gifts clothing & home gift shops faith hope blog Jesus Christ
INSPIRATIONS by Colleen
1. OTHERS DO NOT KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR US.
2 . WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR OTHERS.
3. IT IS OUR JOB TO DETERMINE WHAT’S BEST FOR OURSELVES.
4. IT TAKES COURAGE AND HONESTY TO END UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WITH FOOD, FRIENDS, LOVED ONES AND SPENDING.
5. DO NOT ASK FOR LOVE OR HELP UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO BE HEALED ENOUGH TO GIVE AND RECEIVE IT.
6. SOME OF US DON’T RECOGNIZE THAT CARETAKING AND NOT SETTING BOUNDARIES WILL LEAVE WILL LEAVE US FEELING VICTIMIZED.
7. REMEMBER IT’S SO EASY TO LOOK AROUND AND SEE WHAT’S WRONG, IT’S TAKES PRATICE TO SEE WHAT’S RIGHT.
8. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR OTHER PEOPLE. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR OURSELVES.
9. WHEN WE ACCEPT OUR POWERLESSNESS, WE ARE NOT BEING IRRESPONSIBLE, BECAUSE WE HAVE NO POWER TO CONTROL OTHERS; WHAT THEY SAY, WHAT THEY DO OR WHAT THEY’VE DONE. WE ARE NOT VICTIMS OR HELPLESS, WE’RE JUST ACCEPTING OUR POWERLESSNESS WHEN IT IS APPROPIATE AND TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES.
10. SOMETIMES GOOD CHANGES CAN BE MORE FRIGHTENING THAN HARD TIMES, BECAUSE THEY HAVE BECOME COMFOTABLE AND FAMILIAR.
11. HOW DO WE HANDLE THE GOOD CHANGES? THE SAME WAY WE HANDLED THE HARD ONES, ONE DAY AT A TIME.
12. REMEMBER IT’S OKAY TO CACOON DURING TIMES OF TRANSFORMATION.
Dr. Aphrodite Matsakis has authored over twelve books on an array of psychological topics, Including post-traumatic stress, depression, and women’s issues, grieving, survivors of sexual and physical assault, suicide, family violence, vehicular accidents, combat trauma and natural disasters.
By; Aphrodite Matsakis Ph.D.
For centuries child abuse and other forms of family violence were shrouded in denial. Even in our own country, laws against animal cruelty existed before laws against child abuse. In the 1960’s the silence began to be broken and today the problem of child abuse is widely recognized. However, to date, the emphasis has been primarily on child sexual abuse and, after that, on physical abuse. Yet the effects of other forms of abuse, such as emotional abuse and neglect, which are just as devastating to the human psyche, are often minimized, if not overlooked.
Hence the importance of this book, written by a woman who experienced almost every form of child abuse, from abandonment and physical abuse, to extreme forms of emotional abuse. Indeed, the verbal degradation she endured assumed almost gigantic proportions because it occurred in the context of a multigenerational chain of family violence and addiction, as well as in the context of a small town. Hence her family’s problems became the object of vicious gossip and Ms. Miller was subject to ridicule and bullying, not only at home, but at school, the village store and almost everywhere she went in her community.
In this compelling account, Ms. Miller describes how she, a motherless child abandoned by her father, subsequently became subject to multiple forms of mistreatment, not only from her primary caretaker, but other relatives, some of whom were also abused as children or who suffered from an addiction or mental illness. She touches on areas of child abuse, such as emotional manipulation and exposure to adult sexuality and sexual depravity, which need to be recognized.
Ms. Miller does not spare the reader some of the heartbreaking details of her experiences, yet there is not a shred of self-pity in her book. Instead she describes her abusers in their full human complexity, their good sides as well as their bad sides, often showing compassion and understanding as to why these people, like her unforgettable Nana and adulterous Aunt Charlotte, sought to cope with life by taking advantage of and disregarding the basic needs of an innocent child.
Yet, despite Ms. Miller’s insights into the origins of her perpetrators’ abusiveness and self-destructiveness, she is more than honest about how these individual’s damaged almost every aspect of her being, thus propelling her into years of addiction and other self-destructive behavior.
This book is humbly and clearly written. There are no long psychological complicated explanations, just the facts as she remembers them and her reflections as an adult on a childhood that can only be described as pure torment.
It’s amazing that she survived her past, not only in the sense that she didn’t die physically, but in the sense that she overcame her addiction and the emotional blindness caused by years of trauma to the point where she could tell her story. Given the continuous nature of the traumas she endured and the fact she had to contend with not just one, but many, perpetrators, this is a monumental achievement. It’s also noteworthy that she’s grateful for what she did receive from some of her abusers, which has enabled her to survive.
Although there are scores of adult survivors of child abuse, there are few first person accounts of child abuse like this unique book. Many survivors remain in denial, addiction or other forms of escape, and are hence incapable of remembering their past, much less putting their past on paper in a coherent manner that can serve to enlighten others. But Ms. Miller has done so and her book, the result of decades of hard work and therapy and her own ongoing self-scrutiny, is a gift to us all.
*Some of Dr. Matsakis’ books include; “I Can’t Get Over It, Survivor Guilt, In Harm’s Way, Vietnam Wives, Trust after Trauma, Emotional Claustrophobia, Back from the Front and Rape Recovery Handbook. New Harbinger Publications, Inc. www.matsakis.com
To purchase the book go to: www.lordshillmaggiemiller.com or click the Find Out More Button